You don’t need a divorce coach, you need a co-parenting community
Coparenting counseling groups for moms might be preferable to divorce coaching.
How co-parenting counseling wins over divorce coaching
Recently, I had the pleasure of participating in a yoga experience with a group of 6 women, and I was reminded of the immense power of community. We laughed, we cried, we moved our (now sore) bodies, and we… danced. For certain, no one felt alone by the end of our time together. After years of isolation, the energy of being in community, especially in springtime, fertilized the growing seeds of connection and growth.
This same week, I read an article about the pandemic-fueled boom in the coaching industry, and, particularly in my area of the world, I’ve been thinking a lot about the huge market that is divorce coaching. But I’m not convinced, if one looks closely at her needs when going through a divorce, that a divorce coach is the answer. However, a co-parenting counseling community might be just what an overwhelmed mom ordered.
A divorce coach is one person only; a community multiplies your experience
A co-parenting counseling community offers you many perspectives
Perhaps I am writing myself out of a job, but as is the case with a divorce coach or a therapist, you are paying for the support and perspective of one person only. Divorce, like every marriage or family, is highly unique and no two experiences are the same. Though a divorce coach may be able to help you through what can be a very lonely time, finding a divorce or co-parenting counseling group can offer you a variety of opinions, experiences, and suggestions to find the path that is right for you.
Just as when you’re on a team, the power of the team comes through the connections among team members. By being open to peer support, rather than to simply that of the coach, progress can be made more organically and in some cases, more swiftly. The views of many, especially when you’re newly operating as a “parental party of one” can be very validating and normalizing when going through a divorce.
Co-parenting can be lonely, but other single moms “get” what it’s like
I am the only single mom in my friend group. I am the only single mom in my family. Though I receive a lot of support from my partnered friends and family, there is no one with whom I can regularly talk about both the joys and the challenges of co-parenting or of being a person who is divorced. When one is a divorce coach, there is automatically in place a power differential in the “this person must know more than I know about this, so I will defer to them,” which I am not sure is helpful to someone who is exploring the identity issues endemic to divorce or ending a relationship.
A co-parenting counseling group for single moms allows connection among women that, for most, is lacking in our daily lives or felt experiences of what being a single mom can really feel like. A co-parenting community offers single moms the opportunity to see and be seen as their current, past, and future versions of themselves. I can know that other single moms get the idea of trying to be two places at once for pick-up’s or how hard it is to say no to attending certain events because it’s not “your” time with your child.
A co-parenting group can benefit your kids, too
Whereas divorce coaching is usually for the parent only, a co-parenting group experience can allow your children access to other kids who have shared their experience. Again, in my friend group, there aren’t other “families like ours,” and this year, when my oldest child started high school at a new school, she was overjoyed to find many other children of co-parenting families. Knowing that they are not alone, weird, or abnormal can ease the grief that many children feel when their parents are divorcing. By moms connecting with other co-parenting groups of moms, kids can open to the byproduct of these new and special bonds.
Even when parents co-parent well together, kids can feel the loneliness of not having easy access to other families that look or function like theirs. By having a parent be part of a co-parenting group or community, kids learn the value of growing beyond the immediate family only.
“A co-parenting counseling group for single moms allows connection among women that, for most, is lacking in our daily lives or felt experiences of what being a single mom can really feel like. ”
Co-parenting moms need community
While divorce coaching is highly utilized service in American society, I propose that a better, more cost-effective, and more meaningful experience might be found in women taking part in co-parenting counseling groups or communities. The richness of experience that women share in when offering their voices fully and authentically over shared challenges and joys, is something that simply can’t be replicated in a one-on-one relationship. Mothers are at their best when mothering in community, and co-parenting is no different. As it is said, “It takes a village,” and co-parenting moms deserve their own.
If you’re a co-parenting mom looking for a community in which to share, to ask questions, to be seen, and to be heard, I’m building an interest list for a co-parenting counseling group retreat this coming summer, 2022. The one-day retreat, with the option to join an ongoing community, will take place in person in August in Frederick, Maryland. If you or someone you know might be interested in taking part of this special pilot program, let me know by clicking here!
About The Author
Leah Rockwell, LPC, LCPC is a mother and licensed professional counselor in Pennsylvania and Maryland. She provides online counseling for women struggling with the demands and burnout of motherhood. She is passionate about helping moms navigate the overwhelm associated with postpartum emotions, divorce, co-parenting, and career or creative dreams that feel beyond their reach. Leah is a respected expert and frequent contributor to wellness media outlets such as Women’s Health, Glamour, Livestrong, Bustle, Pop Sugar, and Entrepreneur to name a few.
